#

Thursday 13 November 2014

Why Do People Cheat?


Say the word cheating to someone and they will know instantly what you mean; some form of unfaithfulness by either partners in a relationship. Upon finding out that a spouse has been unfaithful, one can feel quite disappointed and upset. To protect against this, many focus on trying to recognize the signs of a cheater. However, is that the right way to go? Is Knowing how to catch a cheater as important as trying to understand why do people cheat?

 

Research shows that cheating in relationships is on the rise. The rate of cheating seemingly used to only hover somewhere between 10 and 25% but statistics now show that it is closer to 50%. That should be no surprise; I mean really, there are websites set up now that are dedicated solely to the purpose of helping married people commit infidelity. Seriously?

 

Many times cheaters do not set out to be malicious to their partners. In fact, the cheating partner usually still loves and cares for the other very much. They know that if their partner finds out about the affair it would be devastating to them; that is why they keep it a secret. I once heard a lady who
had been cheated on describe her feelings by saying that it felt like her soul had been taken out and stepped on. Wow, heart rendering! Then why do people cheat? Apart from the rare occasion where a particular person just simply enjoys doing it, what are the reasons why people continue to engage in extramarital affairs?

 

Infidelity can be a symptom of something going wrong in the relationship; a manifestation of some long standing issues. Someone cheating does not have to be the end of a romance. Examining the reasons why people cheat and fixing the problem from the root could help us all possibly prevent cheating and keep healthy relationships.

 

Reason 1: Sex

Research shows that many people tend to quote sex as the primary reason for cheating. Either they feel as if their partner is not giving them often enough or that the whole act is simply not satisfying. Sometimes there is a difference in the sex drives of the individuals and this can pose a problem as one partner may not feel as inclined to engage in sexual activities as many times as the other; leaving the other wanting. Also, lovemaking may seem boring and monotonous to one spouse if it is always the same old way. A difference in personalities may underline these problems.

 

Reason 2: Emotional attachment

In a relationship one expects to get attention, affection and care from their spouse. If a partner feels as if he/she is not getting the emotional connection needed, then they will look elsewhere. Women who cheat tend to be the ones who seek emotional connection inside the arms of another person.

 

Reason 3: Falling in/out of love

What exactly do we mean by being in love? Basically we are talking about the spark that exists between partners; the chemistry that makes them lovers. If there is no spark left in your relationship, your partner may just feel like a best friend or a roommate

 

Reason 4: Revenge

Some people have affairs simply because their partner had committed one first. They do it just to get back at them, to make the one who cheated first experience just how painful discovering infidelity is.

 

Reason 5: Curiosity

Sensation seeking may be the reason for some people committing infidelity. They simply feel for a change, they like novelty. Maybe before the primary relationship, the partner in question never felt like he/she got enough time to explore. Or sometimes wanting new experiences constantly is a personality trait. That is why knowing if you and your spouse’s personalitiesare compatible is so important.

 

Reason 6: Self abandonment

Upon reading ‘Why do people cheat on their partners’, I discovered another possible reason for cheating. The psychologist there purports that self abandonment also leads some people to commit adultery. You feel empty within yourself and so you continually seek after others to fill the void.

 

Reason 8: A lifestyle

For some people it is like a culture. This seems especially so with men who cheat. They see their friends doing it and it seems like it is not a big deal. Sometimes too, that is the kind of behavior someone may observe in the home while growing up. So it becomes easier to do.

 

If your partner loves you but still cheated on you, one of the above could be the reason. You have to sort it out together. Pay attention to one another, have fun and explore new things together, always keep it fresh. Do what it takes to spice up your relationship. Remember if you cannot solve the problems by yourselves, seek the help of a therapist.

 

References:




 

You might also like:

Exploring personality typs compatibility and romance

Myers-Briggs personality types and compatibility

 

Wednesday 22 October 2014

Eight Sure Signs of a Cheater


Are you worried that your partner might be cheating on you? As humans we must have, at some point, encountered this problem whether directly within our own relationships or indirectly through someone else’s. Cheating can cause a lot of heartache for the person on the receiving end; it is a major cause of break ups and divorces. Yet it still happens. So what are the signs of a cheater? What exactly do we look out for?
 
Cheating can cause a lot of heartache.
 

Well the first thing is to trust your gut. Your animalistic instincts will tell you that there is something off about him. You sense that, somehow, she is different. If you experience this, start looking out for signs that are typical of cheaters.

 

Sign 1 – Your partner is suddenly always busy

You realize that scheduling some time with your mate now becomes an uphill task. He no longer has time to do the simple things you used to do together. She becomes non-committal – cannot say “yes I will be there” at such a time. You ask why is that, you might not get a straight answer.

 

Sign 2 – Your partner showers immediately after coming home

You notice that hee/she now has a pattern of taking a shower as soon as they get in. That’s odd.

 

Sign 3 – Your partner has a loss of interest in sex

If you notice that your mate no longer seems to enjoy lovemaking anymore with you, it may be because they are getting some from elsewhere. In general the person begins to complain a lot about sex, they may introduce new bedroom techniques or he/she simply has no interest. Now let us be careful. A dip in sex drive can be caused by several things like medication, age or even stress. So loss of interest in sex does not automatically indicate cheating. Neither does introducing something new into the bedroom as there is nothing wrong with a spouse trying to spice up a relationship. The thing is you have to know your partner and know what kind of relationship you have. Do they seem really enthusiastic about exploring those new ways with you?

 

Sign 4 – Your partner seems to always be fussing about something

You may find he/she makes an argument about everything. They lash out and then leave, almost as if to find solace somewhere else.

 

Sign 5 – Your partner becomes evasive and defensive

Simple questions that you used to ask before now seem like an interrogation to them. Questions like “honey where were you today?” are now challenging to ask; Either they take offense to it and start screaming at you or avoid the question altogether. They might even change the subject or turn the question back around on you.

 

Sign 6 – Your partner no longer makes you feel as if you are important to them

You have become irrelevant. Things that you used to do together he/she now does on their own. You feel left out.

 

Sign 7 – Your partner puts a lot more effort into appearance

Now obviously there is nothing wrong in wanting to look good. In fact I love when my man spruces up. The difference is, he cares what I think. If I get all sexyand hot going out, I want my husband to notice. If your spouse does not seem to care what you think , they may be doing it to get attention from somebody else.

 

Sign 8 – Your partner becomes very secretive

You may realize that getting information out of your spouse is now like pulling teeth. They no longer share certain details of their life with you. Notice how they keep their phone. If he/she hogs their cell phone [takes it even to the bathroom], they may be hiding an affair.
 
Lipstick on his shirt? He might be cheating!

 

Do you think men and women display different cheating ways?

I stumbled upon  an article the other day, "How men and women cover up cheating differently". It was very interesting as I found that, indeed, men and women do display slightly different cheating ways. I learnt that the major difference between the sexes is that men who cheat are masters at covering their tracks while women who cheat worry more about the story behind it. For instance, if a man was out cheating he might go home and tell his significant other that he was out with his friends. However, a woman would actually go over to her friend’s house after her infidelity activity just to make sure that her story matches up. She might even post facebook pictures just to prove it. Another example is, instead of simply deleting emails from a cheating partner, a woman might create a new email account for only such a purpose. Women who cheat work harder and plan more to cover up.

 

Here are some behaviours typical of the sexes.

 

Men:

·         Display a dip in sex drive

·         Takes more interest in appearance

·         Cannot explain missing money

·         Takes phone everywhere

·         Has changes in his car [like seat positions or unknown belongings]

 

Women:

·         Seem to be spending an extraordinary amount of time with girlfriends

·         Focus on their appearance too but seem mostly concerned with exercising and going to the gym

·         Will create new email accounts

 

If you suspect that your partner is cheating make sure you have enough evidence before accusing them. Cheaters who have no intention of stopping will simply be more careful if you do not catch them properly. On the other hand if he/she really is not cheating, then accusing them could cause a rift in your relationship as your mate will believe that you do not trust them. However if you are sure, then effective communication is the order of the day. Try to understand why they are doing it and discuss how you can mend your relationship.

 

Reference:


http://www.askmen.om/top_10/dating_top_ten_60/65b_dating_list.html


 

Tuesday 23 September 2014

Marriage between an 18 and 48 years old, really?


I was watching one of my favourite television court shows today and a situation caught my attention. A married couple’s dispute was being discussed. The female is 18 years old and the male is 48 years old. They were having some relationship problems. While listening, I could not help but think, “what did you expect was going to happen?”

 

Young and pretty, but how ready for marriage is she?
First of all there is a huge agedifference between them; that alone in itself brings about its own problems. That is fine for persons who are mature enough and sufficiently prepared to take those challenges on. However, my problem is not really the age disparity problems. My contention is the fact that the girl is barely an adult. Does she have enough experience to first of all deal with all the rigors of a long term relationship, in addition to the challenges of a huge age difference relationship? That is way too hefty for her.

 

At that stage of life we tend to want to explore and have fun. We tend to be a littlee silly and make stupid decisions. Mind you, everybody matures at different rates; I mean, you probably were more mature than I was at that age. But the fact of the matter is, she should take some time to develop herself, marriage is not running away. The more self secure one is, the more they have to bring to the table in a relationship.

 

As for the man, well I do not know what he was thinking. She is 18, he should not be surprised if she behaves like the child that she is.



 I would really like your opinion on this one. What do you think?


Monday 28 July 2014

Do I Need to Change Name After Marriage?


 
So, you have done it. You did the deed. You got married! All the intense preparations, grueling rehearsals and premarital jitters are over. But alas! Another problem rears its head, something else to contemplate. What about changing name after marriage? Do I have to?

 
Everyone knows, it is tradition. When a woman gets married she drops her last name and adopts that of her husband. It is based on the idea that when a man takes a wife and they have children, they form a family. The family should be recognizable by one name, their last name or family name. So, because it was a male dominated society, the entire family would adopt the man’s last name.

 
After wedding, woman still has to think about changing last nameHowever, times have changed. Women now take pride in the many strides they have made throughout history. Strides like the ability to now vote and their increased presence in the workplace; there are female presidents and prime ministers everywhere now for heaven’s sake! Isn’t changing your last name against your will to that of your husband’s still a remnant of the out dated male dominated society?

 
Also, what about the whole issue of identity? Some women believe that changing your name after marriage changes who you are. You were born with a particular name. You are used to it, you love it.

 
So why should you be forced into changing your name after marriage?  Suppose I do not like his last name? Really, all I signed up for was to love him, not necessarily his last name! Women should not be forced into changing last name after marriage. Some women scream, “Why doesn’t he take my name”? The point is gone are the days when the man controls everything. We are capable of making our own decisions.

 
There are 6ways in which women deal with the name change issue nowadays. Namely:

·        Simply keep their own name – make no change at all

·        Keep their own name in professional situations only – otherwise they use their husband’s name

·        Fully adopt their husband’s name  - their own name becomes their maiden name

·        Hyphenate their own name with their husband’s – all of that becomes their last name

·        Use their own name as their middle name and adopt their husband’s last name –they have to be willing to drop their middle name

·        Ask their husband to take their name – the entire family name becomes that of the woman’s

 
Whatever the choice, I believe it is ultimately the bride’s decision. Living in modern times means we are afforded a choice. We do not have to feel compelled to follow tradition and accept the last name of our groom. Neither do we need to feel belittled by feminists who do not believe in taking the name at all.

 
I had several considerations when I was making my decision. The issue of identity, the fact that I do like the idea of my family being recognized collectively under one name and of course tradition. My first choice was to hyphenate but after trying that out for a while in colloquial settings, I bid that idea goodbye. Both our names are too long and are combustible together. So officially I took his name but I still use my maiden name in certain simple settings like on social media.

 
The point is, however, it was my decision. I am proud of my decision. Do not allow anyone to oblige you into doing what they want. What decision did you make?


Monday 14 July 2014

Myers Briggs Personality Types and compatibility


Relationships sometimes are problematic because of personality types differences. Knowing a little more about your partner’s nature will not only help you both with your communication but it will also help you comprehend their behavior and how best they function. The Myers Briggs personality types profile is a more detailed model than the fourpersonality types model discussed before.  It could help couples with the task of understanding each other.

Understanding personality types can help your relationship

 

The Myers Briggs personality types theory was developed on the premise that our natural tendencies can be placed in four categories or scales. These categories are:

 
·                  Extraversion/Introversion [E/I] - our flow of energy, whether we are stimulated inwardly or outwardly

·                  Sensorial/Intuitive [S/N] - Our method of gathering information about the surroundings, whether we rely on our senses or instincts

·                  Thinking/Feeling [T/F] - our preferred method of decision making, whether we make decisions based on logical findings or subjective, personal  value systems

·                  Judging/Perceiving [J/P] – our daily way of dealing with the world, whether we prefer organization and structure as opposed to a more casual approach.

 

The theory purports that our personality types are based on our preference in each of the four categories stated above. They use the word preference as it is not uncommon for any given person to display characteristics that are atypical of him. In fact it is expected that, as we grow and experience various aspects of life,  we learn to adapt and perform other personality functions. However, we tend to gravitate to our strongest, most dominant  characteristics. Hence, our personality types can be predicted based on our normal tendencies.

 

Choosing either one or the other in each of the categories gives rise to the Myers Briggs 16 personality types. For example, ISFJ represents someone whose personality preferences are introversion, sensorial, feeling and Judging. There are many tests available online that can help persons determine their personality type based on this theory. However, what about the Myers Briggs personality types and relationships? How does it help with determining compatibility?

 

Myers Briggs relationship compatibility


 
According to this model, personality types can mostly predict how we interact with others and the world on a regular basis. However, when it comes to attraction, our instincts seem to play more of an integral role. That is, we seem to become attracted to persons more similar to us on the  S/N scale.

 

Obviously though, having a relationship goes way beyond mere attraction. As discussed in my previous article on personality types compatibility, research shows that happier relationships tend to exist between persons who Have more similar personality traits. In terms of the Myers Briggs personality types, the more dominant functions the couple has in common, the happier their relationship. The last three scales see to play a complex role in determining long term relationship happiness. However, it was more common to find couples with just two similar type preferences. The more similar a couple’s dominant functions, the more they speak each other’s language and the better they communicate.

 

However with that said, opposites do attract. It is not uncommon to see an extravert pairing with an introvert and a judger pairing with a perceiver. Sometimes what is different is alluring and intriguing. Also, maybe it is in an attempt to strengthen our weaknesses why we look for partners with opposite personas.

 

Knowing you and your partner’s personality typees could really explain some issues you both might have. –Read this article to get more information on how people’s natural characteristics affect relationship compatibility.
 
 

Monday 7 July 2014

Exploring Personality Types Compatibility and Romance



Ever find yourself wondering why is it some people have long lasting, happy relationships while others seem to bounce around and not find the right partner? Or have you ever noticed that some couples can seemingly work through their issues quietly while others tend to be loud and bickering all the time? The answer may lie in the difference in personality types within these couples. If we understood a little more about the different natures and how they naturally react in various situations, then we would have fewer clashes of personality types in relationships.

 

A happy couple Why look at personality types and relationships?



Statistics show that persons who are very happy  in their relationships or marriages tend to have the most optimistic outlook on life and are more likely to have inner harmony. There are three factors that are found to be most related with happy couples: good communication, similar values and interests, and the capacity to solve disagreements calmly and openly. All three of these factors have to do with personality types. A clash in characters can give rise to problems in any of these areas. So how can we get there? How can we have a happy love life?

 
Well one way to get there is through exploring the personality types of both you and your partner. First, you will understand yourself a little better. You learn why you tend to perceive the world in a particular way and why you react to different things and situations in the way you do. Through personality exploration,  you can identify your natural weaknesses [so you can make conscious efforts to limit the negative effects they can have on your life] and strengths [how to use them to your advantage]. After all, developing the best you is much healthier than trying to fit yourself into other personality types.   

 
Then, you will understand your spouse better too. Suddenly it becomes clear why it is that you and your spouse can never agree on some things; you see the same situation yet you come to two completely different conclusions. Understanding the innate characters of our significant others will make us less tempted to try to change them. Rather, we would have a discussion about how to best work out a problem.

 

What are the personality types?


 
Over the years, several personality theories have been proposed. So, for the purposes of understanding personality types compatibility in relationships, let us look at The main four personality types. I will explore the Myers Briggs personality types model in another article.

 

The main four personality types

 

Diagram of how the four personality types interact on the extraversion/introversion and organizational/relational scales
 
This theory was first put forward by the greek physician Hippocrates who believed that people’s personality types  differed due to certain body fluids.  The theory has been further developed since. Sometimes this theory is also referred to as the four temperaments which speaks to that part of personality concerned with the predominant mood pattern of a person. Whatever it is though, it is powerful in helping with the comprehension of our character differences.   

 
The four personality types are sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic and melancholic. Different colours and animals have also now become associated with each of these. Firstly though, let us understand that no one can be boxed into any one personality category. Yes, we have one dominant personality type and that is the type we generally use to describe ourselves. However, our day to day disposition tends to be an amalgamation of that dominant one and others. The table below shows the characteristics, strengths and weaknesses particular to each type.

 
The characteristics of the four personality types

 

How personality types determine compatibility?


 
In general, it is found that the longest and happiest relationships occur between persons of similar personality types. That is understandable as the more similar each mate’s nature is to the other, the more common interests and goals they may share. Also, communication and disagreement solving becomes less labored.

 
However, it is also common for opposites to attract [sanguines with melancholics, cholerics with phlegmatics]. We Find what is different attractive. It is also purported that we may mate with persons of opposite personas in an attempt to make up for our own weaknesses. The trick is to understand the dissimilar characters and find a way to work with them for a successful relationship.  

 
Obviously sanguines, represented by the blue dolphin,  can be fun. They will pump a lot of spontaneity in a relationship. Remember though, they are easily bored so if they are not getting enough stimulation at home they might just look elsewhere. Couples with sanguine women sometimes experience problems. As she is naturally extraverted and We are used to the man being the dominant figure, a woman being so outgoing might step on some toes. Sanguine women, in their quest for fun and variety, may be Inclined to seek out men who are emotionally unavailable and a challenge. Therefore if such women want serious relationships, they should be careful of their own tendencies to attract the wrong mate. On a whole, if you are dating a sanguine, you must prepare for their impulsive, disorganized nature.



The sanguine is as playful and sociable as the dolphin

 
Cholerics, represented by the red shark,  exude dominance, which also translates into their romantic relationships. The females may experience issues  because of their dominant nature as it is more common for men to be in control. Cholerics must be mindful of their tempers and must know that the opinions of their partners matter. They have to be careful not to drive their partner away with their constant need to argue and their constant need for significance. A choleric’s mate will also have to give some leeway for the stubborn ways of their partner.
 

Phlegmatics, represented by the yellow whale,  have to watch their tendency to always want to help. They are always helping and never having their own needs met. They may also neglect, and therefore lose,  their spouses in the process. An outgoing person may feel closed in with such a spouse as the phlegmatic prefers small gatherings of people they know.


Melancholics, represented by the green urchin,  may initially come off as stand offish, so you have to work a little harder to get to know them. They take a while before they trust others. They may be stereotyped as overly critical and non-adventurous. Therefore, such persons have to work on keeping their mates interested.   Sometimes persons with this personality type can make their spouses feel as if they can never get anything right. This will lead to resentment and conflict. So the melancholic has to be careful of that. Also, because they are sensitive and prone to depression, a melancholic’s mate has to be prepared to help them through their rough days.

 
Personality types compatibility is very important to discuss. It can give some insight into what is happening in our relationships. Have you figured out your personality type yet?



References


http://www.typefinder.com/story/compatibility-and-your-myers-briggs-personality-type

http://www.thetransformedsoul.com/additional-studies/miscellaneous-studies/the-four-human-temperaments


Saturday 7 June 2014

I Want to Propose to my Man - What Will They Say?


Yes, it is 2014 but we still grapple with questions like “should a woman propose to a man?” Is this a valid question  in this day and age? Or, are you one of them who does not understand what all the fuss is about?

 
Well the most popular reason why many people do not believe  in a woman proposing to a man is because it is against tradition. The man should be your knight in shining armour, get down on one knee and propose. He should be a gentleman and ask for her hand in marriage with all the bells and whistles he can afford; the whole nine yards of romance. I’ve  got to be honest, I love the romance of it all!

 





Man kneeling down and asking for his woman's hand in marriage
Romantic couple proposal for wedding by Epsos.de, cc-by-2.0, via Wikimedia commonsSource:

 http://www.flickr.com/photos/36495803@N05/6943704482/
 



Also, there are some that say that a woman should never propose to a man because later on in the relationship/marriage she will be expecting her man to take charge of the family. Him proposing is a sign as to whether or not he is willing to do that, or if he is capable of doing that. If he has not asked, it probably means that he is not ready. You do not want to be in a relationship with a man who is not ready for commitment and a family.

 
Others also believe that a woman should not propose because the man might resent having the opportunity taken away from him. Remember, it is deeply rooted in tradition for the man to propose so he might feel emasculated if you do it. But, should he?

 
However, this is the 21st century and things do change. Many people now believe that there is nothing wrong with a woman proposing to her man. If you know that you have been together for a long time and you think it is time to settle down and he is taking too long, why not ask yourself? At least you will know where your relationship stands after you do. If he says no, then maybe the both of you do not see the relationship in the same way, maybe he is someone who never wants to be married. The rejection will be hard but better to know now than to invest anymore precious time into something that is going nowhere. Interestingly, if we think about it, that is exactly what the man goes through too when he is about to propose.

 
Some people believe that women taking the reins in wedding proposals  would help to cut down on the number of cohabiting relationships we see now. It would promote more committed relationships where children are better supported  in a stable and loving family.

Picture of two beautiful engagement rings
Engagement rings by Ygor Oliveira, cc-by-2.0, via Wikimedia commons
 

What about the ring? Are you willing to buy the ring? Hey, let us face it, if we are going to make the proposal, then we must also buy the ring! You think so?

 
Personally, I love the idea of a man sweeping a woman off her feet with all the romance in the world and proposing. Yes, it is traditional and I like it. However, I do believe that there is nothing stopping a woman from proposing to her man. If you see a situation that needs to be dealt with, deal with it. More power to you!  

Wednesday 21 May 2014

Recognizing Emotional Abuse in Intimate Relationships




Think abuse is only physical? Think again. Often times when we hear of domestic abuse we immediately picture a battered woman struggling with the fear that her partner has instilled in her; but beware! The scars left behind from domestic abuse are not always visible to the naked eye. Many
Woman slumped over a ledge looking dejected or depressed
people, both men and women, sit in abusive relationships and do not even realize that they are being abused. These persons might be experiencing emotional abuse and the effects of this run deep psychologically.

 

What is emotional abuse?


According to Wikipedia, emotional abuse, also called psychological or mental abuse, is a type of abuse where a person subjects another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma including anxiety, chronic depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. In terms of intimate relationships, there are spouses who will tailor their actions in a way so as to manipulate the emotions of their partners.   To do this, they employ tactics such as fear, guilt, shame, intimidation and isolation on their victims. Emotional abuse can be just as or sometimes even more damaging than physical abuse. The scars are not easily healed and may forever live with a victim. However, the first step to change is recognizing the abuse.

 

Why do they do this?


Simple. To gain amd maintain control over you. Why teach you to drive when he can take you wherever he wants you to go whenever he wants you to go? Why let you help make any major decisions when it might inspire you to gain independence? They have to he in control, have to dominate. Sometimes they are insecure and use psychological abuse to try to make sure that their fear does not come true. For instance, a woman who is fearful that her man might leave her may try to tear at his self esteem by telling him that he is fat and ugly. With his low self esteem, he just might stay in line and not seek after any other female.

The strategies that these mental abusers use are said to be similar to those which prison guards use on prisoners. The guards know that it is difficult to overpower and control prisoners physically for any meaningful amount of time. So, they attack them psychologically. It is in this same way that emotional abuse victims feel like prisoners of war. They are reduced to having only animal level concerns; just surviving. No space for independent thought or activity.


Man, leaning on a tree, with far away look in his eyes


Emotional abuse is not prejudiced to any one group. It appears in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. It even breaks the barriers of ethnicity and economic status. It also spans over all age groups.   Men are mostly found to be abusers but do not be fooled, women do it too.

 

The signs of emotional abuse


Here are some of the signs you can look out for when trying to analyze for emotional abuse.

If your partner:


·        Always threatens you or others close to you, such as family, to get you to do what you are told
·        Constantly belittles you and criticizes your looks, weight, dress
·        Yells and humiliates you
·        Discourages any independent activity such as work, school or going out with friends
·        Always accuses you of being unfaithful if you speak to someone of the opposite sex
·        Forces you to perform sexual activities which you are uncomfortable with to prove your love or withholds sex
·        Uses the children too; undermines your authority or threatens to leave with them if you do not do what you are told
·        Maintains complete control over the finances
·        Makes all major decisions like where to live or where the children go to school
·        Constantly shifts blame to you
·        Manipulates and sets  up even family members against you

If you:


·        Have a constant fear for your partner
·        Experience feelings of self loathing, helplessness and desperation
·        Try to avoid certain topics so as not to anger your spouse
·        Lack confidence; feel like you cannot make it without your partner
·        Feel stressed out but not sure why
·        Feel like there is no way out
·        Wondering if you are the one going crazy


A woman crying


I can imagine that emotional abuse must be a terrible experience to go through. Mental abuse plays with your psyche. It slowly chips away at your self esteem and autonomy. All that is left is a shadow of yourself. Someone who is incapable of thinking rationally. Someone who lacks confidence and has no good sense of self worth. As a result, you suffer from anxiety, depression, feelings of helplessness and loneliness. If you recognize these signs in yourself or someone else, seek help. The quicker you get help, the faster you will regain your life. 

For further reading, you could check out this article I found How to deal with emotional abuse. It has a very comprehensive look at how to handle and cope with such abuse.

 
References:

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/f/emotional_abuse.htm


Photo credit: images courtesy of morguefile