So, you have done it. You did the deed. You got married! All
the intense preparations, grueling rehearsals and premarital jitters are over. But
alas! Another problem rears its head, something else to contemplate. What about
changing name after marriage? Do I have to?
Everyone knows, it is tradition. When a woman gets married she
drops her last name and adopts that of her husband. It is based on the idea that
when a man takes a wife and they have children, they form a family. The family
should be recognizable by one name, their last name or family name. So, because
it was a male dominated society, the entire family would adopt the man’s last
However, times have changed. Women now take pride in the
many strides they have made throughout history. Strides like the ability to now
vote and their increased presence in the workplace; there are female presidents
and prime ministers everywhere now for heaven’s sake! Isn’t changing your last
name against your will to that of your husband’s still a remnant of the out
dated male dominated society?
Also, what about the whole issue of identity? Some women
believe that changing your name after marriage changes who you are. You were
born with a particular name. You are used to it, you love it.
So why should you be forced into changing your name after
marriage?Suppose I do not like his last
name? Really, all I signed up for was to love him, not necessarily his last
name! Women should not be forced into changing last name after marriage. Some women
scream, “Why doesn’t he take my name”? The point is gone are the days when the
man controls everything. We are capable of making our own decisions.
There are 6ways in which women deal with the name change
issue nowadays. Namely:
·Simply keep their own name – make no change at
·Keep their own name in professional situations
only – otherwise they use their husband’s name
·Fully adopt their husband’s name- their own name becomes their maiden name
·Hyphenate their own name with their husband’s –
all of that becomes their last name
·Use their own name as their middle name and
adopt their husband’s last name –they have to be willing to drop their middle
·Ask their husband to take their name – the
entire family name becomes that of the woman’s
Whatever the choice, I believe it is ultimately the bride’s
decision. Living in modern times means we are afforded a choice. We do not have
to feel compelled to follow tradition and accept the last name of our groom.
Neither do we need to feel belittled by feminists who do not believe in taking
the name at all.
I had several considerations when I was making my decision.
The issue of identity, the fact that I do like the idea of my family being
recognized collectively under one name and of course tradition. My first choice
was to hyphenate but after trying that out for a while in colloquial settings,
I bid that idea goodbye. Both our names are too long and are combustible
together. So officially I took his name but I still use my maiden name in
certain simple settings like on social media.
The point is, however, it was my decision. I am proud of my
decision. Do not allow anyone to oblige you into doing what they want. What
decision did you make?
Relationships sometimes are problematic
because of personality types differences. Knowing a little more about your
partner’s nature will not only help you both with your communication but it
will also help you comprehend their behavior and how best they function. The
Myers Briggs personality types profile is a more detailed model than the fourpersonality types model discussed before. It could help couples with the task of
understanding each other.
The Myers Briggs personality types
theory was developed on the premise that our natural tendencies can be placed
in four categories or scales. These categories are:
·Extraversion/Introversion [E/I] - our flow of
energy, whether we are stimulated inwardly or outwardly
·Sensorial/Intuitive [S/N] - Our method of
gathering information about the surroundings, whether we rely on our senses or
·Thinking/Feeling [T/F] - our preferred method of
decision making, whether we make decisions based on logical findings or
subjective, personalvalue systems
·Judging/Perceiving [J/P] – our daily way of
dealing with the world, whether we prefer organization and structure as opposed
to a more casual approach.
The theory purports that our personality
types are based on our preference in each of the four categories stated above.
They use the word preference as it is not uncommon for any given person to display
characteristics that are atypical of him. In fact it is
expected that, as we grow and experience various aspects of life,we learn to adapt and perform other
personality functions. However, we tend to gravitate to our strongest, most
dominantcharacteristics. Hence, our personality
types can be predicted based on our normal tendencies.
Choosing either one or the other in each
of the categories gives rise to the Myers Briggs 16 personality types. For
example, ISFJ represents someone whose personality preferences are
introversion, sensorial, feeling and Judging. There are many tests available online
that can help persons determine their personality type based on this theory.
However, what about the Myers Briggs personality types and relationships? How
does it help with determining compatibility?
Myers Briggs relationship compatibility
According to this model, personality
types can mostly predict how we interact with others and the world on a regular
basis. However, when it comes to attraction, our instincts seem to play more of
an integral role. That is, we seem to become attracted to persons more similar
to us on theS/N scale.
Obviously though, having a relationship
goes way beyond mere attraction. As discussed in my previous article on
personality types compatibility, research shows that happier relationships tend
to exist between persons who Have more similar personality traits. In terms of
the Myers Briggs personality types, the more dominant functions the couple has
in common, the happier their relationship. The last three scales see to play a
complex role in determining long term relationship happiness. However, it was
more common to find couples with just two similar type preferences. The more
similar a couple’s dominant functions, the more they speak each other’s
language and the better they communicate.
However with that said, opposites do attract.
It is not uncommon to see an extravert pairing with an introvert and a judger
pairing with a perceiver. Sometimes what is different is alluring and
intriguing. Also, maybe it is in an attempt to strengthen our weaknesses why we
look for partners with opposite personas.
Knowing you and your partner’s
personality typees could really explain some issues you both might have. –Read
this article to get more information on how people’s natural characteristics
affect relationship compatibility.
Ever find yourself wondering why is it some people have long
lasting, happy relationships while others seem to bounce around and not find
the right partner? Or have you ever noticed that some couples can seemingly work
through their issues quietly while others tend to be loud and bickering all the
time? The answer may lie in the difference in personality types within these
couples. If we understood a little more about the different natures and how
they naturally react in various situations, then we would have fewer clashes of
personality types in relationships.
Why look at
personality types and relationships?
Statistics show that persons who are very happyin their relationships or marriages tend to
have the most optimistic outlook on life and are more likely to have inner harmony.
There are three factors that are found to be most related with happy couples:
good communication, similar values and interests, and the capacity to solve
disagreements calmly and openly. All three of these factors have to do with
personality types. A clash in characters can give rise to problems in any of
these areas. So how can we get there? How can we have a happy love life?
Well one way to get there is through exploring the personality
types of both you and your partner. First, you will understand yourself a
little better. You learn why you tend to perceive the world in a particular way
and why you react to different things and situations in the way you do. Through
personality exploration, you can
identify your natural weaknesses [so you can make conscious efforts to limit
the negative effects they can have on your life] and strengths [how to use them
to your advantage]. After all, developing the best you is much healthier than
trying to fit yourself into other personality types.
Then, you will understand your spouse better too. Suddenly
it becomes clear why it is that you and your spouse can never agree on some
things; you see the same situation yet you come to two completely different
conclusions. Understanding the innate characters of our significant others will
make us less tempted to try to change them. Rather, we would have a discussion
about how to best work out a problem.
What are the
Over the years, several personality theories have been
proposed. So, for the purposes of understanding personality types compatibility
in relationships, let us look at The main four personality types. I will
explore the Myers Briggs personality types model in another article.
The main four
This theory was first put forward by the greek physician
Hippocrates who believed that people’s personality types differed due to certain body fluids.The theory has been further developed since. Sometimes
this theory is also referred to as the four temperaments which speaks to that
part of personality concerned with the predominant mood pattern of a person.
Whatever it is though, it is powerful in helping with the comprehension of our
The four personality types are sanguine, choleric,
phlegmatic and melancholic. Different colours and animals have also now become
associated with each of these. Firstly though, let us understand that no one
can be boxed into any one personality category. Yes, we have one dominant
personality type and that is the type we generally use to describe ourselves.
However, our day to day disposition tends to be an amalgamation of that
dominant one and others. The table below shows the characteristics, strengths
and weaknesses particular to each type.
How personality types
In general, it is found that the longest and happiest
relationships occur between persons of similar personality types. That is
understandable as the more similar each mate’s nature is to the other, the more
common interests and goals they may share. Also, communication and disagreement
solving becomes less labored.
However, it is also common for opposites to attract
[sanguines with melancholics, cholerics with phlegmatics]. We Find what is
different attractive. It is also purported that we may mate with persons of
opposite personas in an attempt to make up for our own weaknesses. The trick is
to understand the dissimilar characters and find a way to work with them for a
Obviously sanguines, represented by the blue dolphin, can be fun. They will pump a lot of
spontaneity in a relationship. Remember though, they are easily bored so if
they are not getting enough stimulation at home they might just look elsewhere.
Couples with sanguine women sometimes experience problems. As she is naturally extraverted
and We are used to the man being the dominant figure, a woman being so outgoing
might step on some toes. Sanguine women, in their quest for fun and variety,
may be Inclined to seek out men who are emotionally unavailable and a
challenge. Therefore if such women want serious relationships, they should be
careful of their own tendencies to attract the wrong mate. On a whole, if you
are dating a sanguine, you must prepare for their impulsive, disorganized
Cholerics, represented by the red shark, exude dominance, which also translates into their
romantic relationships. The females may experience issuesbecause of their dominant nature as it is
more common for men to be in control. Cholerics must be mindful of their
tempers and must know that the opinions of their partners matter. They have to
be careful not to drive their partner away with their constant need to argue and
their constant need for significance. A choleric’s mate will also have to give
some leeway for the stubborn ways of their partner.
Phlegmatics, represented by the yellow whale, have to watch their tendency to always want to
help. They are always helping and never having their own needs met. They may
also neglect, and therefore lose,their
spouses in the process. An outgoing person may feel closed in with such a
spouse as the phlegmatic prefers small gatherings of people they know.
Melancholics, represented by the green urchin, may initially come off as stand offish, so you
have to work a little harder to get to know them. They take a while before they
trust others. They may be stereotyped as overly critical and non-adventurous. Therefore, such persons have to work on keeping their mates interested. Sometimes
persons with this personality type can make their spouses feel as if they can
never get anything right. This will lead to resentment and conflict. So the
melancholic has to be careful of that. Also, because they are sensitive and
prone to depression, a melancholic’s mate has to be prepared to help them
through their rough days.
Personality types compatibility is very important to
discuss. It can give some insight into what is happening in our relationships.
Have you figured out your personality type yet?