Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Eight Sure Signs of a Cheater

Are you worried that your partner might be cheating on you? As humans we must have, at some point, encountered this problem whether directly within our own relationships or indirectly through someone else’s. Cheating can cause a lot of heartache for the person on the receiving end; it is a major cause of break ups and divorces. Yet it still happens. So what are the signs of a cheater? What exactly do we look out for?
Cheating can cause a lot of heartache.

Well the first thing is to trust your gut. Your animalistic instincts will tell you that there is something off about him. You sense that, somehow, she is different. If you experience this, start looking out for signs that are typical of cheaters.


Sign 1 – Your partner is suddenly always busy

You realize that scheduling some time with your mate now becomes an uphill task. He no longer has time to do the simple things you used to do together. She becomes non-committal – cannot say “yes I will be there” at such a time. You ask why is that, you might not get a straight answer.


Sign 2 – Your partner showers immediately after coming home

You notice that hee/she now has a pattern of taking a shower as soon as they get in. That’s odd.


Sign 3 – Your partner has a loss of interest in sex

If you notice that your mate no longer seems to enjoy lovemaking anymore with you, it may be because they are getting some from elsewhere. In general the person begins to complain a lot about sex, they may introduce new bedroom techniques or he/she simply has no interest. Now let us be careful. A dip in sex drive can be caused by several things like medication, age or even stress. So loss of interest in sex does not automatically indicate cheating. Neither does introducing something new into the bedroom as there is nothing wrong with a spouse trying to spice up a relationship. The thing is you have to know your partner and know what kind of relationship you have. Do they seem really enthusiastic about exploring those new ways with you?


Sign 4 – Your partner seems to always be fussing about something

You may find he/she makes an argument about everything. They lash out and then leave, almost as if to find solace somewhere else.


Sign 5 – Your partner becomes evasive and defensive

Simple questions that you used to ask before now seem like an interrogation to them. Questions like “honey where were you today?” are now challenging to ask; Either they take offense to it and start screaming at you or avoid the question altogether. They might even change the subject or turn the question back around on you.


Sign 6 – Your partner no longer makes you feel as if you are important to them

You have become irrelevant. Things that you used to do together he/she now does on their own. You feel left out.


Sign 7 – Your partner puts a lot more effort into appearance

Now obviously there is nothing wrong in wanting to look good. In fact I love when my man spruces up. The difference is, he cares what I think. If I get all sexyand hot going out, I want my husband to notice. If your spouse does not seem to care what you think , they may be doing it to get attention from somebody else.


Sign 8 – Your partner becomes very secretive

You may realize that getting information out of your spouse is now like pulling teeth. They no longer share certain details of their life with you. Notice how they keep their phone. If he/she hogs their cell phone [takes it even to the bathroom], they may be hiding an affair.
Lipstick on his shirt? He might be cheating!


Do you think men and women display different cheating ways?

I stumbled upon  an article the other day, "How men and women cover up cheating differently". It was very interesting as I found that, indeed, men and women do display slightly different cheating ways. I learnt that the major difference between the sexes is that men who cheat are masters at covering their tracks while women who cheat worry more about the story behind it. For instance, if a man was out cheating he might go home and tell his significant other that he was out with his friends. However, a woman would actually go over to her friend’s house after her infidelity activity just to make sure that her story matches up. She might even post facebook pictures just to prove it. Another example is, instead of simply deleting emails from a cheating partner, a woman might create a new email account for only such a purpose. Women who cheat work harder and plan more to cover up.


Here are some behaviours typical of the sexes.



·         Display a dip in sex drive

·         Takes more interest in appearance

·         Cannot explain missing money

·         Takes phone everywhere

·         Has changes in his car [like seat positions or unknown belongings]



·         Seem to be spending an extraordinary amount of time with girlfriends

·         Focus on their appearance too but seem mostly concerned with exercising and going to the gym

·         Will create new email accounts


If you suspect that your partner is cheating make sure you have enough evidence before accusing them. Cheaters who have no intention of stopping will simply be more careful if you do not catch them properly. On the other hand if he/she really is not cheating, then accusing them could cause a rift in your relationship as your mate will believe that you do not trust them. However if you are sure, then effective communication is the order of the day. Try to understand why they are doing it and discuss how you can mend your relationship.





Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Marriage between an 18 and 48 years old, really?

I was watching one of my favourite television court shows today and a situation caught my attention. A married couple’s dispute was being discussed. The female is 18 years old and the male is 48 years old. They were having some relationship problems. While listening, I could not help but think, “what did you expect was going to happen?”


Young and pretty, but how ready for marriage is she?
First of all there is a huge agedifference between them; that alone in itself brings about its own problems. That is fine for persons who are mature enough and sufficiently prepared to take those challenges on. However, my problem is not really the age disparity problems. My contention is the fact that the girl is barely an adult. Does she have enough experience to first of all deal with all the rigors of a long term relationship, in addition to the challenges of a huge age difference relationship? That is way too hefty for her.


At that stage of life we tend to want to explore and have fun. We tend to be a littlee silly and make stupid decisions. Mind you, everybody matures at different rates; I mean, you probably were more mature than I was at that age. But the fact of the matter is, she should take some time to develop herself, marriage is not running away. The more self secure one is, the more they have to bring to the table in a relationship.


As for the man, well I do not know what he was thinking. She is 18, he should not be surprised if she behaves like the child that she is.

 I would really like your opinion on this one. What do you think?

Monday, 28 July 2014

Do I Need to Change Name After Marriage?

So, you have done it. You did the deed. You got married! All the intense preparations, grueling rehearsals and premarital jitters are over. But alas! Another problem rears its head, something else to contemplate. What about changing name after marriage? Do I have to?

Everyone knows, it is tradition. When a woman gets married she drops her last name and adopts that of her husband. It is based on the idea that when a man takes a wife and they have children, they form a family. The family should be recognizable by one name, their last name or family name. So, because it was a male dominated society, the entire family would adopt the man’s last name.

After wedding, woman still has to think about changing last nameHowever, times have changed. Women now take pride in the many strides they have made throughout history. Strides like the ability to now vote and their increased presence in the workplace; there are female presidents and prime ministers everywhere now for heaven’s sake! Isn’t changing your last name against your will to that of your husband’s still a remnant of the out dated male dominated society?

Also, what about the whole issue of identity? Some women believe that changing your name after marriage changes who you are. You were born with a particular name. You are used to it, you love it.

So why should you be forced into changing your name after marriage?  Suppose I do not like his last name? Really, all I signed up for was to love him, not necessarily his last name! Women should not be forced into changing last name after marriage. Some women scream, “Why doesn’t he take my name”? The point is gone are the days when the man controls everything. We are capable of making our own decisions.

There are 6ways in which women deal with the name change issue nowadays. Namely:

·        Simply keep their own name – make no change at all

·        Keep their own name in professional situations only – otherwise they use their husband’s name

·        Fully adopt their husband’s name  - their own name becomes their maiden name

·        Hyphenate their own name with their husband’s – all of that becomes their last name

·        Use their own name as their middle name and adopt their husband’s last name –they have to be willing to drop their middle name

·        Ask their husband to take their name – the entire family name becomes that of the woman’s

Whatever the choice, I believe it is ultimately the bride’s decision. Living in modern times means we are afforded a choice. We do not have to feel compelled to follow tradition and accept the last name of our groom. Neither do we need to feel belittled by feminists who do not believe in taking the name at all.

I had several considerations when I was making my decision. The issue of identity, the fact that I do like the idea of my family being recognized collectively under one name and of course tradition. My first choice was to hyphenate but after trying that out for a while in colloquial settings, I bid that idea goodbye. Both our names are too long and are combustible together. So officially I took his name but I still use my maiden name in certain simple settings like on social media.

The point is, however, it was my decision. I am proud of my decision. Do not allow anyone to oblige you into doing what they want. What decision did you make?