Thursday, 13 November 2014

Why Do People Cheat?

Say the word cheating to someone and they will know instantly what you mean; some form of unfaithfulness by either partners in a relationship. Upon finding out that a spouse has been unfaithful, one can feel quite disappointed and upset. To protect against this, many focus on trying to recognize the signs of a cheater. However, is that the right way to go? Is Knowing how to catch a cheater as important as trying to understand why do people cheat?


Research shows that cheating in relationships is on the rise. The rate of cheating seemingly used to only hover somewhere between 10 and 25% but statistics now show that it is closer to 50%. That should be no surprise; I mean really, there are websites set up now that are dedicated solely to the purpose of helping married people commit infidelity. Seriously?


Many times cheaters do not set out to be malicious to their partners. In fact, the cheating partner usually still loves and cares for the other very much. They know that if their partner finds out about the affair it would be devastating to them; that is why they keep it a secret. I once heard a lady who
had been cheated on describe her feelings by saying that it felt like her soul had been taken out and stepped on. Wow, heart rendering! Then why do people cheat? Apart from the rare occasion where a particular person just simply enjoys doing it, what are the reasons why people continue to engage in extramarital affairs?


Infidelity can be a symptom of something going wrong in the relationship; a manifestation of some long standing issues. Someone cheating does not have to be the end of a romance. Examining the reasons why people cheat and fixing the problem from the root could help us all possibly prevent cheating and keep healthy relationships.


Reason 1: Sex

Research shows that many people tend to quote sex as the primary reason for cheating. Either they feel as if their partner is not giving them often enough or that the whole act is simply not satisfying. Sometimes there is a difference in the sex drives of the individuals and this can pose a problem as one partner may not feel as inclined to engage in sexual activities as many times as the other; leaving the other wanting. Also, lovemaking may seem boring and monotonous to one spouse if it is always the same old way. A difference in personalities may underline these problems.


Reason 2: Emotional attachment

In a relationship one expects to get attention, affection and care from their spouse. If a partner feels as if he/she is not getting the emotional connection needed, then they will look elsewhere. Women who cheat tend to be the ones who seek emotional connection inside the arms of another person.


Reason 3: Falling in/out of love

What exactly do we mean by being in love? Basically we are talking about the spark that exists between partners; the chemistry that makes them lovers. If there is no spark left in your relationship, your partner may just feel like a best friend or a roommate


Reason 4: Revenge

Some people have affairs simply because their partner had committed one first. They do it just to get back at them, to make the one who cheated first experience just how painful discovering infidelity is.


Reason 5: Curiosity

Sensation seeking may be the reason for some people committing infidelity. They simply feel for a change, they like novelty. Maybe before the primary relationship, the partner in question never felt like he/she got enough time to explore. Or sometimes wanting new experiences constantly is a personality trait. That is why knowing if you and your spouse’s personalitiesare compatible is so important.


Reason 6: Self abandonment

Upon reading ‘Why do people cheat on their partners’, I discovered another possible reason for cheating. The psychologist there purports that self abandonment also leads some people to commit adultery. You feel empty within yourself and so you continually seek after others to fill the void.


Reason 8: A lifestyle

For some people it is like a culture. This seems especially so with men who cheat. They see their friends doing it and it seems like it is not a big deal. Sometimes too, that is the kind of behavior someone may observe in the home while growing up. So it becomes easier to do.


If your partner loves you but still cheated on you, one of the above could be the reason. You have to sort it out together. Pay attention to one another, have fun and explore new things together, always keep it fresh. Do what it takes to spice up your relationship. Remember if you cannot solve the problems by yourselves, seek the help of a therapist.




You might also like:

Exploring personality typs compatibility and romance

Myers-Briggs personality types and compatibility


Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Eight Sure Signs of a Cheater

Are you worried that your partner might be cheating on you? As humans we must have, at some point, encountered this problem whether directly within our own relationships or indirectly through someone else’s. Cheating can cause a lot of heartache for the person on the receiving end; it is a major cause of break ups and divorces. Yet it still happens. So what are the signs of a cheater? What exactly do we look out for?
Cheating can cause a lot of heartache.

Well the first thing is to trust your gut. Your animalistic instincts will tell you that there is something off about him. You sense that, somehow, she is different. If you experience this, start looking out for signs that are typical of cheaters.


Sign 1 – Your partner is suddenly always busy

You realize that scheduling some time with your mate now becomes an uphill task. He no longer has time to do the simple things you used to do together. She becomes non-committal – cannot say “yes I will be there” at such a time. You ask why is that, you might not get a straight answer.


Sign 2 – Your partner showers immediately after coming home

You notice that hee/she now has a pattern of taking a shower as soon as they get in. That’s odd.


Sign 3 – Your partner has a loss of interest in sex

If you notice that your mate no longer seems to enjoy lovemaking anymore with you, it may be because they are getting some from elsewhere. In general the person begins to complain a lot about sex, they may introduce new bedroom techniques or he/she simply has no interest. Now let us be careful. A dip in sex drive can be caused by several things like medication, age or even stress. So loss of interest in sex does not automatically indicate cheating. Neither does introducing something new into the bedroom as there is nothing wrong with a spouse trying to spice up a relationship. The thing is you have to know your partner and know what kind of relationship you have. Do they seem really enthusiastic about exploring those new ways with you?


Sign 4 – Your partner seems to always be fussing about something

You may find he/she makes an argument about everything. They lash out and then leave, almost as if to find solace somewhere else.


Sign 5 – Your partner becomes evasive and defensive

Simple questions that you used to ask before now seem like an interrogation to them. Questions like “honey where were you today?” are now challenging to ask; Either they take offense to it and start screaming at you or avoid the question altogether. They might even change the subject or turn the question back around on you.


Sign 6 – Your partner no longer makes you feel as if you are important to them

You have become irrelevant. Things that you used to do together he/she now does on their own. You feel left out.


Sign 7 – Your partner puts a lot more effort into appearance

Now obviously there is nothing wrong in wanting to look good. In fact I love when my man spruces up. The difference is, he cares what I think. If I get all sexyand hot going out, I want my husband to notice. If your spouse does not seem to care what you think , they may be doing it to get attention from somebody else.


Sign 8 – Your partner becomes very secretive

You may realize that getting information out of your spouse is now like pulling teeth. They no longer share certain details of their life with you. Notice how they keep their phone. If he/she hogs their cell phone [takes it even to the bathroom], they may be hiding an affair.
Lipstick on his shirt? He might be cheating!


Do you think men and women display different cheating ways?

I stumbled upon  an article the other day, "How men and women cover up cheating differently". It was very interesting as I found that, indeed, men and women do display slightly different cheating ways. I learnt that the major difference between the sexes is that men who cheat are masters at covering their tracks while women who cheat worry more about the story behind it. For instance, if a man was out cheating he might go home and tell his significant other that he was out with his friends. However, a woman would actually go over to her friend’s house after her infidelity activity just to make sure that her story matches up. She might even post facebook pictures just to prove it. Another example is, instead of simply deleting emails from a cheating partner, a woman might create a new email account for only such a purpose. Women who cheat work harder and plan more to cover up.


Here are some behaviours typical of the sexes.



·         Display a dip in sex drive

·         Takes more interest in appearance

·         Cannot explain missing money

·         Takes phone everywhere

·         Has changes in his car [like seat positions or unknown belongings]



·         Seem to be spending an extraordinary amount of time with girlfriends

·         Focus on their appearance too but seem mostly concerned with exercising and going to the gym

·         Will create new email accounts


If you suspect that your partner is cheating make sure you have enough evidence before accusing them. Cheaters who have no intention of stopping will simply be more careful if you do not catch them properly. On the other hand if he/she really is not cheating, then accusing them could cause a rift in your relationship as your mate will believe that you do not trust them. However if you are sure, then effective communication is the order of the day. Try to understand why they are doing it and discuss how you can mend your relationship.





Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Marriage between an 18 and 48 years old, really?

I was watching one of my favourite television court shows today and a situation caught my attention. A married couple’s dispute was being discussed. The female is 18 years old and the male is 48 years old. They were having some relationship problems. While listening, I could not help but think, “what did you expect was going to happen?”


Young and pretty, but how ready for marriage is she?
First of all there is a huge agedifference between them; that alone in itself brings about its own problems. That is fine for persons who are mature enough and sufficiently prepared to take those challenges on. However, my problem is not really the age disparity problems. My contention is the fact that the girl is barely an adult. Does she have enough experience to first of all deal with all the rigors of a long term relationship, in addition to the challenges of a huge age difference relationship? That is way too hefty for her.


At that stage of life we tend to want to explore and have fun. We tend to be a littlee silly and make stupid decisions. Mind you, everybody matures at different rates; I mean, you probably were more mature than I was at that age. But the fact of the matter is, she should take some time to develop herself, marriage is not running away. The more self secure one is, the more they have to bring to the table in a relationship.


As for the man, well I do not know what he was thinking. She is 18, he should not be surprised if she behaves like the child that she is.

 I would really like your opinion on this one. What do you think?