Are you worried that your partner might be cheating on you?
As humans we must have, at some point, encountered this problem whether
directly within our own relationships or indirectly through someone else’s.
Cheating can cause a lot of heartache for the person on the receiving end; it
is a major cause of break ups and divorces. Yet it still happens. So what are
the signs of a cheater? What exactly do we look out for?
Well the first thing is to trust your gut. Your animalistic
instincts will tell you that there is something off about him. You sense that,
somehow, she is different. If you experience this, start looking out for signs
that are typical of cheaters.
Sign 1 – Your partner
is suddenly always busy
You realize that scheduling some time with your mate now
becomes an uphill task. He no longer has time to do the simple things you used
to do together. She becomes non-committal – cannot say “yes I will be there” at
such a time. You ask why is that, you might not get a straight answer.
Sign 2 – Your partner
showers immediately after coming home
You notice that hee/she now has a pattern of taking a shower
as soon as they get in. That’s odd.
Sign 3 – Your partner
has a loss of interest in sex
If you notice that your mate no longer seems to enjoy
lovemaking anymore with you, it may be because they are getting some from
elsewhere. In general the person begins to complain a lot about sex, they may
introduce new bedroom techniques or he/she simply has no interest. Now let us
be careful. A dip in sex drive can be caused by several things like medication,
age or even stress. So loss of interest in sex does not automatically indicate
cheating. Neither does introducing something new into the bedroom as there is
nothing wrong with a spouse trying to spice up a relationship. The thing is you
have to know your partner and know what kind of relationship you have. Do they
seem really enthusiastic about exploring those new ways with you?
Sign 4 – Your partner
seems to always be fussing about something
You may find he/she makes an argument about everything. They
lash out and then leave, almost as if to find solace somewhere else.
Sign 5 – Your partner
becomes evasive and defensive
Simple questions that you used to ask before now seem like an
interrogation to them. Questions like “honey where were you today?” are now
challenging to ask; Either they take offense to it and start screaming at you
or avoid the question altogether. They might even change the subject or turn
the question back around on you.
Sign 6 – Your partner
no longer makes you feel as if you are important to them
You have become irrelevant. Things that you used to do together
he/she now does on their own. You feel left out.
Sign 7 – Your partner
puts a lot more effort into appearance
Now obviously there is nothing wrong in wanting to look
good. In fact I love when my man spruces up. The difference is, he cares what I
think. If I get all sexyand hot going out, I want my husband to notice. If your
spouse does not seem to care what you think , they may be doing it to get attention
from somebody else.
Sign 8 – Your partner
becomes very secretive
You may realize that getting information out of your spouse
is now like pulling teeth. They no longer share certain details of their life
with you. Notice how they keep their phone. If he/she hogs their cell phone [takes
it even to the bathroom], they may be hiding an affair.
Do you think men and
women display different cheating ways?
I stumbled uponan
article the other day, "How men and women cover up cheating differently". It was very
interesting as I found that, indeed, men and women do display slightly
different cheating ways. I learnt that the major difference between the sexes
is that men who cheat are masters at covering their tracks while women who
cheat worry more about the story behind it. For instance, if a man was out cheating
he might go home and tell his significant other that he was out with his
friends. However, a woman would actually go over to her friend’s house after
her infidelity activity just to make sure that her story matches up. She might
even post facebook pictures just to prove it. Another example is, instead of simply
deleting emails from a cheating partner, a woman might create a new email
account for only such a purpose. Women who cheat work harder and plan more to
Here are some behaviours typical of the sexes.
·Display a dip in sex drive
·Takes more interest in appearance
·Cannot explain missing money
·Takes phone everywhere
·Has changes in his car [like seat positions or
·Seem to be spending an extraordinary amount of
time with girlfriends
·Focus on their appearance too but seem mostly
concerned with exercising and going to the gym
·Will create new email accounts
If you suspect that your partner is cheating make sure you
have enough evidence before accusing them. Cheaters who have no intention of
stopping will simply be more careful if you do not catch them properly. On the
other hand if he/she really is not cheating, then accusing them could cause a
rift in your relationship as your mate will believe that you do not trust them.
However if you are sure, then effective communication is the order of the day.
Try to understand why they are doing it and discuss how you can mend your
I was watching one of my favourite television
court shows today and a situation caught my attention. A married couple’s dispute
was being discussed. The female is 18 years old and the male is 48 years old.
They were having some relationship problems. While listening, I could not help
but think, “what did you expect was going to happen?”
First of all there is a huge agedifference between them; that alone in itself brings about its own problems. That
is fine for persons who are mature enough and sufficiently prepared to take
those challenges on. However, my problem is not really the age disparity problems. My
contention is the fact that the girl is barely an adult. Does she have enough
experience to first of all deal with all the rigors of a long term
relationship, in addition to the challenges of a huge age difference relationship? That is way too
hefty for her.
At that stage of life we tend to
want to explore and have fun. We tend to be a littlee silly and make stupid
decisions. Mind you, everybody matures at different rates; I mean, you probably
were more mature than I was at that age. But the fact of the matter is, she should
take some time to develop herself, marriage is not running away. The more self
secure one is, the more they have to bring to the table in a relationship.
As for the man, well I do not know
what he was thinking. She is 18, he should not be surprised if she behaves like
the child that she is.
I would really like your opinion on
this one. What do you think?
So, you have done it. You did the deed. You got married! All
the intense preparations, grueling rehearsals and premarital jitters are over. But
alas! Another problem rears its head, something else to contemplate. What about
changing name after marriage? Do I have to?
Everyone knows, it is tradition. When a woman gets married she
drops her last name and adopts that of her husband. It is based on the idea that
when a man takes a wife and they have children, they form a family. The family
should be recognizable by one name, their last name or family name. So, because
it was a male dominated society, the entire family would adopt the man’s last
However, times have changed. Women now take pride in the
many strides they have made throughout history. Strides like the ability to now
vote and their increased presence in the workplace; there are female presidents
and prime ministers everywhere now for heaven’s sake! Isn’t changing your last
name against your will to that of your husband’s still a remnant of the out
dated male dominated society?
Also, what about the whole issue of identity? Some women
believe that changing your name after marriage changes who you are. You were
born with a particular name. You are used to it, you love it.
So why should you be forced into changing your name after
marriage?Suppose I do not like his last
name? Really, all I signed up for was to love him, not necessarily his last
name! Women should not be forced into changing last name after marriage. Some women
scream, “Why doesn’t he take my name”? The point is gone are the days when the
man controls everything. We are capable of making our own decisions.
There are 6ways in which women deal with the name change
issue nowadays. Namely:
·Simply keep their own name – make no change at
·Keep their own name in professional situations
only – otherwise they use their husband’s name
·Fully adopt their husband’s name- their own name becomes their maiden name
·Hyphenate their own name with their husband’s –
all of that becomes their last name
·Use their own name as their middle name and
adopt their husband’s last name –they have to be willing to drop their middle
·Ask their husband to take their name – the
entire family name becomes that of the woman’s
Whatever the choice, I believe it is ultimately the bride’s
decision. Living in modern times means we are afforded a choice. We do not have
to feel compelled to follow tradition and accept the last name of our groom.
Neither do we need to feel belittled by feminists who do not believe in taking
the name at all.
I had several considerations when I was making my decision.
The issue of identity, the fact that I do like the idea of my family being
recognized collectively under one name and of course tradition. My first choice
was to hyphenate but after trying that out for a while in colloquial settings,
I bid that idea goodbye. Both our names are too long and are combustible
together. So officially I took his name but I still use my maiden name in
certain simple settings like on social media.
The point is, however, it was my decision. I am proud of my
decision. Do not allow anyone to oblige you into doing what they want. What
decision did you make?