Monday, 7 July 2014

Exploring Personality Types Compatibility and Romance

Ever find yourself wondering why is it some people have long lasting, happy relationships while others seem to bounce around and not find the right partner? Or have you ever noticed that some couples can seemingly work through their issues quietly while others tend to be loud and bickering all the time? The answer may lie in the difference in personality types within these couples. If we understood a little more about the different natures and how they naturally react in various situations, then we would have fewer clashes of personality types in relationships.


A happy couple Why look at personality types and relationships?

Statistics show that persons who are very happy  in their relationships or marriages tend to have the most optimistic outlook on life and are more likely to have inner harmony. There are three factors that are found to be most related with happy couples: good communication, similar values and interests, and the capacity to solve disagreements calmly and openly. All three of these factors have to do with personality types. A clash in characters can give rise to problems in any of these areas. So how can we get there? How can we have a happy love life?

Well one way to get there is through exploring the personality types of both you and your partner. First, you will understand yourself a little better. You learn why you tend to perceive the world in a particular way and why you react to different things and situations in the way you do. Through personality exploration,  you can identify your natural weaknesses [so you can make conscious efforts to limit the negative effects they can have on your life] and strengths [how to use them to your advantage]. After all, developing the best you is much healthier than trying to fit yourself into other personality types.   

Then, you will understand your spouse better too. Suddenly it becomes clear why it is that you and your spouse can never agree on some things; you see the same situation yet you come to two completely different conclusions. Understanding the innate characters of our significant others will make us less tempted to try to change them. Rather, we would have a discussion about how to best work out a problem.


What are the personality types?

Over the years, several personality theories have been proposed. So, for the purposes of understanding personality types compatibility in relationships, let us look at The main four personality types. I will explore the Myers Briggs personality types model in another article.


The main four personality types


Diagram of how the four personality types interact on the extraversion/introversion and organizational/relational scales
This theory was first put forward by the greek physician Hippocrates who believed that people’s personality types  differed due to certain body fluids.  The theory has been further developed since. Sometimes this theory is also referred to as the four temperaments which speaks to that part of personality concerned with the predominant mood pattern of a person. Whatever it is though, it is powerful in helping with the comprehension of our character differences.   

The four personality types are sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic and melancholic. Different colours and animals have also now become associated with each of these. Firstly though, let us understand that no one can be boxed into any one personality category. Yes, we have one dominant personality type and that is the type we generally use to describe ourselves. However, our day to day disposition tends to be an amalgamation of that dominant one and others. The table below shows the characteristics, strengths and weaknesses particular to each type.

The characteristics of the four personality types


How personality types determine compatibility?

In general, it is found that the longest and happiest relationships occur between persons of similar personality types. That is understandable as the more similar each mate’s nature is to the other, the more common interests and goals they may share. Also, communication and disagreement solving becomes less labored.

However, it is also common for opposites to attract [sanguines with melancholics, cholerics with phlegmatics]. We Find what is different attractive. It is also purported that we may mate with persons of opposite personas in an attempt to make up for our own weaknesses. The trick is to understand the dissimilar characters and find a way to work with them for a successful relationship.  

Obviously sanguines, represented by the blue dolphin,  can be fun. They will pump a lot of spontaneity in a relationship. Remember though, they are easily bored so if they are not getting enough stimulation at home they might just look elsewhere. Couples with sanguine women sometimes experience problems. As she is naturally extraverted and We are used to the man being the dominant figure, a woman being so outgoing might step on some toes. Sanguine women, in their quest for fun and variety, may be Inclined to seek out men who are emotionally unavailable and a challenge. Therefore if such women want serious relationships, they should be careful of their own tendencies to attract the wrong mate. On a whole, if you are dating a sanguine, you must prepare for their impulsive, disorganized nature.

The sanguine is as playful and sociable as the dolphin

Cholerics, represented by the red shark,  exude dominance, which also translates into their romantic relationships. The females may experience issues  because of their dominant nature as it is more common for men to be in control. Cholerics must be mindful of their tempers and must know that the opinions of their partners matter. They have to be careful not to drive their partner away with their constant need to argue and their constant need for significance. A choleric’s mate will also have to give some leeway for the stubborn ways of their partner.

Phlegmatics, represented by the yellow whale,  have to watch their tendency to always want to help. They are always helping and never having their own needs met. They may also neglect, and therefore lose,  their spouses in the process. An outgoing person may feel closed in with such a spouse as the phlegmatic prefers small gatherings of people they know.

Melancholics, represented by the green urchin,  may initially come off as stand offish, so you have to work a little harder to get to know them. They take a while before they trust others. They may be stereotyped as overly critical and non-adventurous. Therefore, such persons have to work on keeping their mates interested.   Sometimes persons with this personality type can make their spouses feel as if they can never get anything right. This will lead to resentment and conflict. So the melancholic has to be careful of that. Also, because they are sensitive and prone to depression, a melancholic’s mate has to be prepared to help them through their rough days.

Personality types compatibility is very important to discuss. It can give some insight into what is happening in our relationships. Have you figured out your personality type yet?





  1. Well done i like the way u think u are a good writer and its properly worded

  2. Thank you so much. Just trying to give as much info concisely about how our personality types affect our love lives.


Hey there, please leave your thoughts and comments here. I would really like to hear what you think.