Wednesday, 18 January 2012

How to heal and Cope After a Break Up

Breaking up can be very taxing on us all. After investing so much into a relationshipand/or marriage, it is hard to see it melt away. Sometimes even when we know the relationship we are in is not healthy, the fear of breaking up is so strong we simply cannot admit that going or separate ways is probably the best thing to do. Here are some tips to help with the healing and coping transition of breaking up.

1] First thing, you must grieve. During a relationship we tend to become co-dependent on each other. So after breaking up we mourn the loss of companionship, support [whether it be financial, social, intellectual or emotional], and hopes and dreams.  It is hard but you must face it and deal with the pain. The pain and the withstanding thereof is exactly what gives us the stamina to go on and think of new beginnings. Denying it only delays the reality. You must understand also that, during your period of mourning, your feelings will fluctuate; that is normal. ,

During this period also, you have the opportunity to find yourself. Take the time to observe and analyze yourself. What went wrong in the relationship? How did you contribute to its demise? When you figure out your part in the break up, you will be able to make yourself better ready for another partnership. Remember, once you make yourself whole, then is when you will be ready to share yourself with someone; you do not become what someone else wants you to be but you are a whole who is capable of intertwining your life with somebody else’s.

2] Give yourself a break. You are going through a difficult thing, remember? It is understandable that you might not be as efficient as you usually are. Do not be too hard on yourself. Just pick up on your interests. When going through a break up it is easy to slip into depression and forget about or simply become not interested in doing the activities that once made you happy. However, now is the time to submerge yourself in fun activities. Instead of pressuring yourself to work when you cannot concentrate anyway, why not do something fun?

3] Do not go through this alone. You might not feel like company, but you need to talk about it. Let your good friends and family help you healand cope. Tell them how you feel. Let them help you sort out the confusion in your head. They may not always have a solution but sometimes you just need a listening ear. Talk it out with the end goal being healing, though, do not just dwell in the pain as this does you no good and only leaves you resentful and fearful of relationships and you  never move on from the break up. Isolating yourself only makes it worse, your stress levels rise and your overall health suffers.

Breaking up may seem like the end of the world but remember that once you still have life you will find a way. Just motivate yourself and press on. The lessons you learnt from the experience will remain with you and help you make wiser decisions in the future.


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