Marriage between an 18 and 48 years old, really?

I was watching one of my favourite television court shows today and a situation caught my attention. A married couple’s dispute was being discussed. The female is 18 years old and the male is 48 years old. They were having some relationship problems. While listening, I could not help but think, “what did you expect was going to happen?”

 

First of all there is a huge agedifference between them; that alone in itself brings about its own problems. That is fine for persons who are mature enough and sufficiently prepared to take those challenges on. However, my problem is not really the age disparity problems. My contention is the fact that the girl is barely an adult. Does she have enough experience to first of all deal with all the rigors of a long term relationship, in addition to the challenges of a huge age difference relationship? That is way too hefty for her.

 

At that stage of life we tend to want to explore and have fun. We tend to be a littlee silly and make stupid decisions. Mind you, everybody matures at different rates; I mean, you probably were more mature than I was at that age. But the fact of the matter is, she should take some time to develop herself, marriage is not running away. The more self secure one is, the more they have to bring to the table in a relationship.

 

As for the man, well I do not know what he was thinking. She is 18, he should not be surprised if she behaves like the child that she is.



 I would really like your opinion on this one. What do you think?

Do I Need to Change Name After Marriage?

 

So, you have done it. You did the deed. You got married! All the intense preparations, grueling rehearsals and premarital jitters are over. But alas! Another problem rears its head, something else to contemplate. What about changing name after marriage? Do I have to?

 

Everyone knows, it is tradition. When a woman gets married she drops her last name and adopts that of her husband. It is based on the idea that when a man takes a wife and they have children, they form a family. The family should be recognizable by one name, their last name or family name. So, because it was a male dominated society, the entire family would adopt the man’s last name.

 

However, times have changed. Women now take pride in the many strides they have made throughout history. Strides like the ability to now vote and their increased presence in the workplace; there are female presidents and prime ministers everywhere now for heaven’s sake! Isn’t changing your last name against your will to that of your husband’s still a remnant of the out dated male dominated society?

 

Also, what about the whole issue of identity? Some women believe that changing your name after marriage changes who you are. You were born with a particular name. You are used to it, you love it.

 

So why should you be forced into changing your name after marriage?  Suppose I do not like his last name? Really, all I signed up for was to love him, not necessarily his last name! Women should not be forced into changing last name after marriage. Some women scream, “Why doesn’t he take my name”? The point is gone are the days when the man controls everything. We are capable of making our own decisions.

 

There are 6ways in which women deal with the name change issue nowadays. Namely:

·        Simply keep their own name – make no change at all

·        Keep their own name in professional situations only – otherwise they use their husband’s name

·        Fully adopt their husband’s name  - their own name becomes their maiden name

·        Hyphenate their own name with their husband’s – all of that becomes their last name

·        Use their own name as their middle name and adopt their husband’s last name –they have to be willing to drop their middle name

·        Ask their husband to take their name – the entire family name becomes that of the woman’s

 

Whatever the choice, I believe it is ultimately the bride’s decision. Living in modern times means we are afforded a choice. We do not have to feel compelled to follow tradition and accept the last name of our groom. Neither do we need to feel belittled by feminists who do not believe in taking the name at all.

 

I had several considerations when I was making my decision. The issue of identity, the fact that I do like the idea of my family being recognized collectively under one name and of course tradition. My first choice was to hyphenate but after trying that out for a while in colloquial settings, I bid that idea goodbye. Both our names are too long and are combustible together. So officially I took his name but I still use my maiden name in certain simple settings like on social media.

 

The point is, however, it was my decision. I am proud of my decision. Do not allow anyone to oblige you into doing what they want. What decision did you make?

How to heal and Cope After a Break Up

Breaking up can be very taxing on us all. After investing so much into a relationshipand/or marriage, it is hard to see it melt away. Sometimes even when we know the relationship we are in is not healthy, the fear of breaking up is so strong we simply cannot admit that going or separate ways is probably the best thing to do. Here are some tips to help with the healing and coping transition of breaking up.

1] First thing, you must grieve. During a relationship we tend to become co-dependent on each other. So after breaking up we mourn the loss of companionship, support [whether it be financial, social, intellectual or emotional], and hopes and dreams.  It is hard but you must face it and deal with the pain. The pain and the withstanding thereof is exactly what gives us the stamina to go on and think of new beginnings. Denying it only delays the reality. You must understand also that, during your period of mourning, your feelings will fluctuate; that is normal. ,

During this period also, you have the opportunity to find yourself. Take the time to observe and analyze yourself. What went wrong in the relationship? How did you contribute to its demise? When you figure out your part in the break up, you will be able to make yourself better ready for another partnership. Remember, once you make yourself whole, then is when you will be ready to share yourself with someone; you do not become what someone else wants you to be but you are a whole who is capable of intertwining your life with somebody else’s.

2] Give yourself a break. You are going through a difficult thing, remember? It is understandable that you might not be as efficient as you usually are. Do not be too hard on yourself. Just pick up on your interests. When going through a break up it is easy to slip into depression and forget about or simply become not interested in doing the activities that once made you happy. However, now is the time to submerge yourself in fun activities. Instead of pressuring yourself to work when you cannot concentrate anyway, why not do something fun?
 

3] Do not go through this alone. You might not feel like company, but you need to talk about it. Let your good friends and family help you healand cope. Tell them how you feel. Let them help you sort out the confusion in your head. They may not always have a solution but sometimes you just need a listening ear. Talk it out with the end goal being healing, though, do not just dwell in the pain as this does you no good and only leaves you resentful and fearful of relationships and you  never move on from the break up. Isolating yourself only makes it worse, your stress levels rise and your overall health suffers.


Breaking up may seem like the end of the world but remember that once you still have life you will find a way. Just motivate yourself and press on. The lessons you learnt from the experience will remain with you and help you make wiser decisions in the future.

Reference

http://helpguide.org/mental/coping_divorce_relationship_breakup.htm

 

Also check out this article Extreme break up recovery:maximum healing, minimum time

Photo credit: all pictures courtesy of morguefile and pixabay