Let's talk relationships

Effective Communication Tips To Improve Your Relationships

2012-02-10T09:19:00.000-08:00

There are several factors that can help a relationship betweentwo people keep afloat. One such very important factor that must be donecorrectly is communication. If the communication in a relationship is noteffective or poor, then that relationship may not last very long as severalproblems will arise. Here are some important tips for effective communication.

1] Try to stay on the topic. If a conflict arises between twopeople in a relationship, while discussing it, try to remain focused on thematter at hand and not stray and bring up things from yesteryear. Bringing upold stories tends to cloud the whole communication process and sometimes you do not even remember what youwere initially discussing and, hence, no effective problem solving takes place.

2] Pay attention. Listen to what your partner is saying.Really listen, do not just pick out bits and pieces and think of a come back.Instead, try to listen and understand their point of view, try to step into theirshoes as effective communication requires persons in a relationship toempathize with each other. Also, observe your partner’s body language, as humanswe communicate not only with our mouths but also through expression. When yourspouse is speaking, do not interrupt, give feedback and show that youunderstand what was said.

3] Watch your reaction. Make sure your partner knows thatyou are interested in the communication process. If a criticism about you ismade, do not respond with defensiveness. Instead, try to understand why yourpartner thinks so of you. By taking this approach, you gain valuableinformation about yourself that you probably did not know. Take responsibilityfor your actions and work on fixing yourflaws that interfere with the relationship.

4] When bringing across your points, be subtle. Do not beargumentative or verbally abusive. This is not effective and will get younowhere, communication is not a blame game. For example, instead of saying youdid…try to start sentences with I feel frustrated when you….This route willspark less contention and the least amount of arguing you have during thecommunication process , the more effective itwill be.

5] The big one, compromise. The aim of communication is todiffuse contention by coming up with solutions that are satisfying forbothpersons in a relationship. Do not be afraid of discussing the complicatedissues; attack them together, brainstorm together for effective solutions. Inorder for everyone to be happy, each person will have to give and take.

Remember that the goal of effective communication is mutualunderstanding and finding solutions that will suit both partners in a relationship.So go ahead, take it slow. Control your temper and follow the tips to ensure ahappy, loving and long lasting relationship.

http://stress.about.com/od/relationships/ht/healthycomm.htm

The Impact of Age Differences on Relationships

2012-01-30T15:24:00.000-08:00

Age is just a number. When it comes to relationships, doesthat really hold true? Not sure, the question of intergenerationalrelationships invoke such strongfeelings in people that it can make life for the persons in the relationship veryuncomfortable. It can work, but the couple must be prepared to deal with the impactof potential problems that come along with relationships with age differences.

The first thing the couple must consider is maturity. The age disparity between the two means that they are at different stages of theirlives as, of course over time, we learn more and begin to want different thingsout of life. So they will be prone to clashing when it comes to handling certainmatters. For example, how they manage finances or their lifestyle. The youngerof the two would probably be more frivolous with spending and may want to paintthe town red every night. Whilst the older might be a little bit more cautiouswith money as, having gone further inlife, he/she has learnt the benefits of proper budgeting. The older companionmay not want to party every night either.

Secondly, the couple in the age difference relationshipshould consider each other’s goals. Again, because of the fact that they are atdifferent stages of their lives, their goals might not coincide. Matters of children,marriage and retirement can present much disagreement. For instance a woman inher 30s might want to get married and have children right away. Her maternityclock is ticking, she may feel like she is out of time. On the other hand, heryounger partner might not be so keen on startinga family: he feels like he has a lot of time before that and now is the time to explore and have fun.

Look at this couple. They have a 32-

year age difference. How did they make it work?

Thirdly, the perceptions of others. When you might be able tomanage the disparaging comments of strangers, you might not be as prepared forthe impact of scathing stares and remarks of family and friends. If the olderpartner has made a good life for himself/herself, the younger might be viewedas a gold digger in the sight of family and friends. If children are involved,they might not be very warm to the idea at first either: if you think about it really,it is hard to see someone almost the same age as you try to be a mother orfather figure to you. They will put up resistance. The impact of others’ perceptionsof the age difference relationship is stress. It puts a lot of strain on the relationship.The couple may begin to blame each other and doubt what they have.

Lastly, the other thing that may be a problem is the factthat the couple may not have friends that they can both hang out with. Thisgoes back to maturity levels. If there is a major difference in age and maturitybetween the two groups then there could be a problem. One set may likejazz while the other group would want tovisit the club and enjoy themselves with pop music.

All these factors can cause significant strain on therelationship. So, if two persons with major age differences decide to enter intoa committed and loving relationship, they must look at these problems squarelyand decide how to deal with them. In an attemptto solve them there is one thing that is very important right across the board,conversation. They must come together and discuss things that they can control;example, what is the timetable for children and marriage and how to deal withretirement and finances. Compromise is the order the day.

As for the things that they cannot necessarily control, theyhave to make a concerted effort to deal with it as the perceptions of others willnever go away. They can try talking to family and friends about the reasons forentering a relationship with age difference, but ultimately no one can control what others think. They justhave to be strong and try to surround themselves with those who do support them.It is a difficult road to start travelling but, if you are in it for the longhaul, it can be done.

For further reading: Whypeople enter into relationships with age differences

Why people Enter Into Relationships With Age Differences

2012-01-30T08:40:00.000-08:00

Cougar [a relatively new term in this context] and sugar daddy are words that are becoming common place these days. More and more persons are entering relationships with major age differences, more and more are becoming ok with it. Not everyone, though. Seeing people together who are obviously of completely different age groups can invoke very strong feelings in persons looking on. I think that that is mostly because we do not understand it; well quite frankly, if my child came home with a partner who is twice his age I am not sure I would understand it either. So, apart from the negative reasons [like for money], why do people enter into relationships with major age differences?

Cougars are natural predators in the wild. The term, however, is now used colloquially to describe a woman dating a younger man

An obvious reason that everyone would probably guessis physicalattractiveness and sexual capabilities. Yes younger persons do not have saggingskin and wrinkles, drooping breasts, grey hair [at least most of them do not]and are certainly vore vivacious and full of energy for sexual purposes. Noteveryone wants to grow old and grey with their partner, some prefer to look atyoung blood to help them keep young themselves.

Another reason is the commitment factor. I am not sayingthat everyone in relationships with age differences are not committed to oneanother and do not plan to have long lasting relationships. However, there arepersons who enter these relationships just because they do not have to worryabout commitment. They simply want a companion for the time being to travel,explore and have fun with.

Also, people enter into relationships with age differencesfor flexibility. For instance, a man who is already grounded in his careerwould probably not want to be bothered with a woman who is also already set inher way of life. By choosing a younger partner, he finds someone who may bewilling to go anywhere his business would take him. With the rise in womentaking their place in the working world, women are becoming more and morebusiness oriented and less and less traditional. Such a woman would want apartner who would be willing to play more of a part in the household. A youngerman would be more ideal for such apurpose as, again, they are not heavy set in their ways and are more easilyadjusted owing to cultural differences nowadays.

Oh and, of course, let us not forget about love. Two personsjust become very fond of each other and decide that, in spite of all the negative comments and potential problems withage difference relationships, they are going to be together. I mean, hey, loveis love right?

If you know someone who is in a relationship with a majorage difference, do not be too quick to judge. Maybe we should look at the reasonsfor such a move and see if it fits the person that we know. Everyone isentitled to their opinion and not everyone will be the same and want the samethings out of life. Just hope, though, that they are prepared to deal with theimpact of age difference on relationships.

www.tigerace.com

Check out this article: Woman's Motivation to date Older Man

How to heal and Cope After a Break Up

2012-01-18T09:47:00.000-08:00

Breaking up can be very taxing on us all. After investing somuch into a relationshipand/or marriage, it is hard to see it melt away.Sometimes even when we know the relationship we are in is not healthy, the fearof breaking up is so strong we simply cannot admit that going or separate waysis probably the best thing to do. Here are some tips to help with the healing andcoping transition of breaking up.

1] First thing, you must grieve. During a relationship wetend to become co-dependent on each other. So after breaking up we mourn theloss of companionship, support [whether it be financial, social, intellectualor emotional], and hopes and dreams. Itis hard but you must face it and deal with the pain. The pain and thewithstanding thereof is exactly what gives us the stamina to go on and think ofnew beginnings. Denying it only delays the reality. You must understand also that,during your period of mourning, your feelings will fluctuate; that is normal. ,

During this period also, you have the opportunity to findyourself. Take the time to observe and analyze yourself. What went wrong in therelationship? How did you contribute to its demise? When you figure out your partin the break up, you will be able to make yourself better ready for anotherpartnership. Remember, once you make yourself whole, then is when you will beready to share yourself with someone; you do not become what someone else wantsyou to be but you are a whole who is capable of intertwining your life with somebodyelse’s.

2] Give yourself a break. You are going through a difficultthing, remember? It is understandable that you might not be as efficient as youusually are. Do not be too hard on yourself. Just pick up on your interests. Whengoing through a break up it is easy to slip into depression and forget about orsimply become not interested in doing the activities that once made you happy.However, now is the time to submerge yourself in fun activities. Instead ofpressuring yourself to work when you cannot concentrate anyway, why not dosomething fun?

3] Do not go through this alone. You might not feel likecompany, but you need to talk about it. Let your good friends and family helpyou healand cope. Tell them how you feel. Let them help you sort out theconfusion in your head. They may not always have a solution but sometimes you justneed a listening ear. Talk it out with the end goal being healing, though, donot just dwell in the pain as this does you no good and only leaves you resentfuland fearful of relationships and you never move on from the break up. Isolating yourself only makes it worse,your stress levels rise and your overall health suffers.

Breaking up may seem like the end of the world but rememberthat once you still have life you will find a way. Just motivate yourself andpress on. The lessons you learnt from the experience will remain with you andhelp you make wiser decisions in the future.

Reference

http://helpguide.org/mental/coping_divorce_relationship_breakup.htm

Also check out this article Extreme break up recovery:maximum healing, minimum time

Jealousy in Relationships

2012-01-10T15:45:00.000-08:00

Jealousy or “the green eyed monster”, as it is otherwisecalled, is a strong emotion that us as humans tend to experience. If notcontrolled, this emotion can get the better of us and can have cripplingeffects on our relationships. But why do we get jealous? How do we lessen itsimpact on our relationships?

What is jealousy?

Ben Pollard, http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2401/2204677106_a8f0a3befc.jpg

According to Wikipedia, jealousy is an emotion whichtypically refers to the negative feelings and thoughts of insecurity, fear andanxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person valuesparticularly in reference to human connections. So, in terms of relationships, wesee someone flirting with our partner and, for fear of losing them to another, wefeel jealousy. Jealousy manifests itself in the forms of anger, sadness, resentmentand disgust. It is these feelings that jealousy invokes that makes it have potentiallydebilitating effects on relationships.

Why do we get jealous?

There are many reasons as to why different persons becomejealous. Maybe in past relationships you were cheated on and so you transferthat to every relationship that proceeds, finding it difficult to trust anyoneafter being hurt the first time. Some argue that jealousy goes as far back as childhood.

Sometimes, too, jealousy rares its ugly head because of our owninsecurities. For instance, a woman might be worried that because she has puton some weight her husband is no longer as interested in her as he used to be. Shesees him looking at a slim woman and immediately she jumps to the wrongconclusion. Or, maybe the partner getting jealous is the one who is steppingout and so transfers his/her own insecurity to their partner and starts blamingfor things that might not even be there.

Also, it is said that jealousy came about so as todiscourage the desertion of persons by their mate. This helps to strengthem thefamily bond and helps with the survival of the young [http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Understanding-Jealousy-Helen-Fisher-PhD-on-Relationships].

The effects of Jealousy in our love life

For the most part, jealousy can have terrible effects on ourrelationships. It tears away at a very important building block for ourpartnerships, trust. If you find yourself unable to stop from snooping on yourmate’s facebook page or in their text messages, then you may have a problem. Allthat time spent snooping around could be used to do something that you bothenjoy instead of driving a rift between you. The ways in which jealousy is expressed can be dangerous. Anger can makea person do things that they may regret later. All of this negative activity eatsaway at the relationship.

It can have positive impacts, though. Some people’s jealousyfrom someone flirting with their mate may turn into flattery; flattered that someoneelse wants the lover that they own. In other cases, some people like when theirpartners feel a little jealous over them. It serves to remind them that theirpartner still appreciates and loves them.

Conclusion

Whatever the cause or effect of this monster, we must try andcontrol it to make sure that it does not destroy our love life. Suspiciousabout something, discuss it together and find out if there is reasonable causefor worry. If there is not, let it go. Also, we must consider each other’sfeelings in a relationship. If you know your partner is uncomfortable with yourassociation with a particular person perhaps because of some history, then you shouldtry and lessen your link with that person. It is not that your partner shouldcontrol you but, in my opinion, relationships are about give and take andlimiting that link could not hurt if there is really nothing to worry aboutthere. Always try and keep the trust element firm in your partnerships.

Tips for Understanding your Man

2011-12-29T13:05:00.000-08:00

“Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” is what the old adage says. It really serves to show how different the sexes are, from completely different planets. One of the major differences between men and women is the way in which they express themselves. This difference can cause much conflict within a relationship as neither partner will be able to understand the other. Let’s try to understand our men, why they behave the way they do.

Women are very expressive, society promotes it. You see, women are allowed to be soft. They are allowed to cry , say exactly what is causing them to hurt. Men are, however, completely different. There is a theory that suggests that, because traditionally the man is supposed to defend their women and children in times of danger, they are grown and taught not to have feelings as they would realize that killing is morally wrong. As a result of such training, they become adults who are uncomfortable with certain feelings and emotions; men who lack the ability to adequately express themselves.

Men are uncomfortable with feelings of sadness, hurting and fear. They do not like using words like vulnerable, sad and scared. They are likely to express anger and frustration as this is a safe zone for them.

When they do this, of course, the woman’s immediate reaction is to get back into his face and then the argument starts. Either she does that or she begins to cry. She takes his anger personally and, once again, erroneously reinforcing to the man that nothing good can come out of expressing one’s emotions. But, what does that solve?

As women, the first thing we need to be cognizant of is the aforementioned. Try to understand why the man reacts in such a way. From there, we can navigate the course of the proceedings that follows. Do not just fire back. Listen to what he is desperately trying to express in his frustration. Not only listen to what they say but watch their actions as again they will not say everything. It is not that the man is allowed to be disrespectful and abusive, but ladies there is merit in trying to understand what your man is trying to say. It makes for a happier relationship.

What do you think?

Reference:

http://www.therelationshipgym.com/marriage-counselling-men-for-beginners.htm

What women want from their men

2011-12-20T10:59:00.000-08:00

What does she want? That is a question that a lot of men seem to ask. You see, some men think that it is enough to simply provide financial support or physical help for the women in their lives. However, there is a lot more to keeping a woman than that. I always say that some men only concentrate on that initial phase of getting the woman, sweeping her off her feet. The real art though, for me, is the ability to keep the woman and keep her happy. That is where a lot of men fall short, they have no clue as to how to love a woman and maintain a happy relationship.

A companion

A woman needs someone to share all the responsibilities with. Someone to share the decision making process. A woman wants to know that when she is unable to get something done, she can depend on her partner. She does not need someone whom she will have to pick up after and run behind. She needs someone reliable, a man to help her and pick up the slack. A leader, capable of and willing to take responsibility for his actions, but not someone to boss her around and dominate the relationship. Rather, she needs equality as an affirmation to the fact that what she thinks and says matters.

To feel loved

Women are obviously more sensitive than men. We need to not only hear you say “I love you” but we need to see it in actions. Let her know why you love her. Tell her how gorgeous she is looking today, how her dress hugs her beautiful figure well. Yes, we need to hear it. It is not that a woman lacks self confidence why she needs to hear this from her man but she only wants to know that she can still turn the head of her man. It keeps the spunk in the relationship.

Make her feel loved, also, by showing appreciation. Can you imagine a woman slaving away at a dinner and the man comes in and does not want it or, even if he eats it, complains about the taste? That will drive a woman crazy. It is not that you cannot give constructive criticism but you must be tactful. Let her know you appreciate her.

Another thing is how he touches her. If the only time he touches her is when he wants sex then she will pick up on the pattern and begin to resent him for it. It should not be that every time a man gently touches and massages his woman it is because he needs sex. No, she will feel as if that is the only thing he wants her for. The man must know how to make her feel good without always wanting something in return.

Communication

This is a big one. Women like to express themselves, the way they are feeling. I know That there is a huge difference between the sexes in this regard but the greatest thing you will ever need to learn about a relationship is the art of compromising. So meet her half way. Talk about what is happening with you, what is happening at work etc. Again, we do not expect men to be as talkative as we are. Just have a conversation, she will lead the way.

Women are strong beings but we have soft hearts that can be broken easily. However, if a man plays his cards right, she will always be his tower of strength.